What's the best AWD or 4WD vehicle for upstate ny weather under 20,000 that's reliable?

I currently drive a 2014 Ford Focus. It's just to small for me. And it's is HORRIBLE in the snow even with brand new snow tires. I have a two year old and we need room. I want something reliable. Preferably a SUV but I don't want a huge one. I've been looking at a Honda CRV, Jeep Patriot, Subaru Outback, Jeep Cherokee and a Toyota RAV4. Which is my best option? I want something that won't depreciate Lin value a lot too.

Last year it was manufactured, if you can find one, a 2011 Honda Element

Used VW Touareg.
the VW touareg shares a platform with Porsche Cayenne and Audi Q7. This gives the car a lot of mechanical and interior features not typically found in cars of this level.

it has a very good and extremely capable full time 4WD system which is great for snow.
I have a major problem with some AWD/4WD systems that do automatic switching of power transmission.
a lot of smaller SUVs will have systems that are primarily 2WD and then when wheel slip is detected will activate power to the other two wheels.
this can help to get you unstuck in a snowed in parking lot or driveway but it makes handling unpredictable during a snowy commute. You don't know precisely when the power distribution will change and that affects the handling characteristics. I much prefer full time systems like in the Subaru Outback or in the touareg.

another benefit of the touareg is that it is tall. It can handle taller snow banks with ease. It's also quite heavy thanks to its very solid chassis, and other overengineered mechanical components.
the car is very good. The gearbox and brakes are top notch allowing even the lowest end V6 model to have a tow rating of 7700 lbs.

the nice thing about getting a car which brand new is a lot more expensive is that it has already gone through most of the depreciation it would normally go through.
when cars depreciate, they lose a lot of value very quickly and then start to level off. A brand new 20,000 car is going to depreciate more than a used car which originally is 40,000 and its value is now 20,000.

I live in southern ontario and I have very similar weather as upstate NY. I have driven a number of different vehicle types in winter. (numerous cars of fwd, rwd and awd, SUVs and pickup trucks) i have not been as happy as I have been with a touareg for a winter car. It's comfortable, extremely capable and punches way above its class. I'm sure if you tried one out you won't be dissapointed.

I think the best car is the Honda CRV. You get economy in good weather as it uses FWD but if traction is lost is sends power to the rear wheels automatically. So you get the best of both worlds.

The Honda CR-V or Subaru Outback are your best initial quality and reliability choices. You should be able to find either that two or three years old in that price range.

Nissan Pathfinder

Pretty much any 4matic Mercedes Benz will be good for your weather conditions

Ok

They all depreciate after a winter. Most got dents and dings and bumps and scrapes. Reliable? Get a Jeep. Reliability is about all the same. B'sides buying Merican… So no Mexicans to blame.

So you get the best of both worlds.

To narrow down you choices it's between the Toyota the Honda or the Subaru now the features and how big of a crossover SUV with awd is up to you